Unimportant Things

My name is Ryan Brenner and this is where I attempt to seem hip, funny, and/or insightful.

I like making jokes and writing. I like pop culture and brief sentences.

You can stalk me more effectively by reading my Facebook profile or my Twitter feed.

My Website is pretty cool too.

Apr 27

Top 5 Obstacles Standing Between Me and Self-Actualization

#5: Comfort With Solitude

Gee whiz. Right off the bat, this one’s a biggie! As anyone who’s ever known the crippling, soul-crushing anxiety that sets in when you’re left alone with nothing but your thoughts can tell you, getting over this can be TOUGH! And now, in this age when it’s so easy to be in constant, empty communication with others, I’m beginning to believe I might never wind up feeling comfortable being alone. It’s like, your parents raise you for eighteen years and then one day you’re just magically supposed to be “okay” with going unaccompanied to the bathroom? Get real!!

#4: Autonomy

Ummm, YEAH RIGHT! Freedom from external authorities and other people? Sorry, but last time I checked, my mom was still “other people,” so you can go ahead and count me out. I mean, I pretty much need her just to eat! While, yes, I’m fairly confident I could struggle my way through the motions of making myself waffles each morning, I can’t see it ever happening in practice. And as for reliance on external authorities? Well, considering that I averaged about two-and-a-half 911 calls per month this year, I don’t think I qualify on that count either. Independence and resourcefulness have their benefits, I’m sure, but I honestly don’t see how they could hold a candle to the comfort of knowing that, if I fall down, there’s always going to be someone close at hand to pick me back up.

#3: Efficient Perception of Reality/Acceptance of Facts

It kinda pains me to say it, but I really don’t think I’ll be reaching this milestone any time soon. For example: while on some level I “know” that, hmm, let’s say, I’m going to die one day (lol!), can’t you see why it’s so much easier to get by if I just pretend I’m not? Denial is an essential part of enabling my day-to-day existence. Can you imagine how difficult it would be to come to terms with the reality of my meaningless existence? Or to admit that, no, I’ll probably never be the handsome, ambidextrous space-fireman I imagined I would be when I was in second grade? No thanks! Ignorance is bliss, as they say, and if you try to tell me otherwise, well, I’ll just cover my ears and hum loudly until you get frustrated and walk away. Check and mate!

#2: Personal and Financial Security

Oh, I’m sorry! Did you assume that because I’ve only been listing characteristics of self-actualizers up until this point that, surely, I must have at least achieved the level of “Esteem” on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Didn’t mean to mislead you, friend, but I’m afraid that’s quite simply not the case! Sure, self-actualization may be the hardest of the levels to reach, but come on! If you haven’t picked up on the fact that you’re dealing with someone who’s lucky to get through a day having fulfilled even his basest physiological needs, by this point…? Then I don’t know what to tell you! Financial security? Don’t make me laugh. I’m counting every day that I don’t experience physical harm as a win, thank you very much.

#1: Non-Hostile Sense of Humor

You think there’s something funny about this list? Fuck off. I’m perfect. Everything’s great. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA-

Dec 3

Top 9 Times I’ve Had Sex!

9) The 2nd Time

8) The 7th Time

7) The 3rd Time

6) The 4th Time

5) The 9th Time

4) The 1st Time

3) The 8th Time

2) The 5th Time

1) The 71st Time

Sep 4

More on Dan Harmon’s “Story Circle” and my theory it is a cosine wave



I’ve discussed before how Dan Harmon (creator of Community, co-writer for Monster House) has distilled the Joseph Campbell’s Monomyth into a very basic tool for describing the arcs of a story. Harmon prefers to see his story structure as a circle, whereas I believe that it is in fact a Cosine Wave. Since I’ve posted the above gif I’ve gotten quite a few notes about it and I thought I’d expand on my idea of why Harmon’s circle best fits a Cosine.

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Oh wow.

(via danharmon)

Aug 13

Aug 2

Review of Kidz Bop 24

With their 24th numbered release, the Kidz Bop Kids once again deliver exactly what their niche audience has come to expect: an amazingly consistent batch of catchy choruses and would-be pop anthems that never reach their full potential because they are inexplicably, inexcusably, and exclusively targeted toward tweens. 

As always, I’ll try not to spend too much of this review dwelling on the fact that almost any given track off this record could have been something you wouldn’t be surprised to see among the Top 40 had the ghost-producers of the supergroup elected to instead turn it over to one of today’s current pop superstars. By now, the Kids’ discography contains so many mishandled gems that I’d prefer not to frustrate myself further by wasting more words on the subject. However, Bop 24 is such a strong release - perhaps the Kids’ strongest since the triumphant yet criminally under-appreciated 17 - that I cannot help but groan every time I think about what this album could have been.

Still, having said that, I whole-heartedly recommend this album to fans of previous Bops as well as to fans of pop music in general.

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Jul 24

So some Social Media Marketing Wizard decided to join a technically-public-though-clearly-intended-for-use-by-a-small-group-of-people Facebook group that my friends and I used to plan our trip to Camp Bisco 12 and spam it with ads for his or her products.

I decided to strike back at this spammer. Will update if necessary.

[I’ve blurred all names besides my own, as well as anything related to the spammer so as not to reward this behavior with more of his cherished “free advertising.”]

Jul 21


In middle school I was made to fill out a worksheet. On it was a list of values and the purpose of the exercise was the rank them in order of importance so that I might better understand my own priorities. I was a middle school student in a seventh period health class, so my number one priority at the time was getting home and watching a new episode of Dragonball Z, but since there was no item on the list even approximately close to that, I decided (unlike most of my peers) to take the assignment seriously.

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This Is a Blog, Isn’t It?

Let’s get emotional. Let’s get introspective. It’s time for some serious navel gazing.

Jul 15
Workshopping a new bit with my close friend Beau.

Workshopping a new bit with my close friend Beau.

May 2
So I guess this is what sincere appreciation feels like.

So I guess this is what sincere appreciation feels like.

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